If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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