to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
