end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
