We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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