This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
