I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I AM VODKA MAN
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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