i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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