I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
