yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
