dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
