The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
