If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
