you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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