i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
