do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
