Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
