Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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