so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
