Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
