Plan B is the new Plan A
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
