It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
