Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
