I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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