I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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