Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
