Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
