He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
