Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
bring money and cleavage
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
