if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
