If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
