I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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