Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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