I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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