at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
