did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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