I think I died a long time ago.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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