I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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