I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
