I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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