she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
