hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
