Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
