I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
