Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
