PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
