How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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