Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
They have beer where we have blood.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
