I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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