Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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