I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
